Changing the Cultural Conversation About Men


This episode is about four really big conversations that are worth designing:

1.      How do you shift an entire cultural conversation?
2.      How do you build a sustainable business and team around it?
3.      How do you sustain yourself as an entrepreneur though all of this changemaking?
(that is, take care of your own internal conversation through it all!)
4.      How do you get the help you need to grow in all of these conversations?

Dan Doty is the founder of an organization called Evryman that exists to help change the cultural conversation about men, to help provide support, tools, and experiences for men to build deep connections that unlock and accelerate personal growth. And it’s something that’s really needed in the world. The current cultural conversation about men is about Toxic Masculinity. Dan’s work is about shifting the cultural conversation to what Healthy Masculinity looks like, and how to build it.

I’ve been to a Men’s Emotional Leadership Training with Dan and his team (also called MELT) earlier this year and it started a new phase of growth for me…and my own dad went to Evryman’s men’s weekend called the Open Source Weekend and he experienced a major shift. My mom noticed it the moment he came home! So I’m a real believer in this work. In fact, I just started co-hosting a men’s group recently with Evryman.

Together, we build a conversation map for Dan. A conversation map is a reflection tool for leaders to examine key areas in their work and life and to get them in order.  If you check out the video or the show notes you can see some of that visual work. I’ll link to some templates as well.

Dan is a coach and an entrepreneur, and he’s got an incredibly holistic approach to supporting himself as he leads change – one of the most balanced that I have seen. Of the four core conversations (Community, Team, Dialogue and Inner Dialogue) Dan is cultivating space and time for each. Leading a big cultural conversation while still making time for your internal conversation is a huge challenge for leaders.

Enjoy this episode and pair it with an episode from last season with Claire Wasserman, founder of “Ladies Get Paid”, an organization which works to eliminate the gender pay gap. There are a lot of similarities in the patterns these two change-makers are building to help them lead a BIG change in the world – changing the conversation around gender is no small task.

Key Insights from Dan’s Conversation Map

Dans Conversation Map.jpg

We dig into a conversation map for Dan, looking at how he manages the four Core Conversations in my 9 Conversations modality:

1.      Self
2.      Coaching
3.      Team
4.      Community


1.      The Self Conversation: Pre-hab vs. Rehab

Self care is core to Dan’s work with himself. He takes refuge in green spaces, meditation and time with himself. His quote that self-care is either pre-hab or rehab is absolutely brilliant!

2.      Coaching Conversations: Asking for help is human

The “lone wolf thing” isn’t working anymore. Dan finds and integrates coaches and coaching for things he wants to excel at: for his TedX talk, for his business, for his emotions.

3.      Team Conversations: Finding the thread

Like many early-stage startups, they have a small team that’s spread out. Having a clear set of principles and goals helps them focus. What’s very cool about Everyman is they integrate team and community very intentionally, working with community members to build and extend the core team.

4.      Community Conversations: Building the thread and cadence to connect and build a culture

Dan’s organization is doing a lot of awesome things and doing them consistently, with a thoughtful cadence. The Open Source retreat happens on two coasts regularly, helping bring in new men to this work and helping reconnect people to the work and each other, as well as giving new leaders an opportunity to grow and practice.

The work Evryman is doing to connect to other communities of practice across gender lines is awesome as well, Women Teach Men for example, seems amazing.

They’re also giving back to specific communities, working on project for veterans and another project for Israeli and Palestinian men.

Enjoy this rich and deep episode!

Learn more about Dan here:

Check out Dan’s Podcast here:

Dan’s TedX talk here:

Learn more about Evryman here:

the MELT weekend we mention here:

and the Evryman Open Source retreat here:

Women Teach Men:

And Owen Marcus, a co-founder of Evryman and leader of my MELT group:

And check out the episode about Claire’s Organization, Ladies Get Paid, here:

The 9 Conversations Map v2.0 can be downloaded here, so you can build your own conversations map

The Conversation OS Canvas can be downloaded here:

And you can check out the video of this episode here: